This question was thrown around our circle of friends almost every time we got together. After every bad date or when a relationship ended, it would come up again and again.


Asking this question led to numerous other questions:


  • Will I ever meet someone?
  • What is wrong with me?
  • Why can’t I find someone?
  • Is it ever going to happen for me?


It was an endless cycle of dating, sorting, wondering, hoping and sometimes even pretending that he was the one, so you wouldn’t have to get back out there and ask again, “Where is he?”


When Charlotte on Sex In the City said, “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?”, we all nodded our heads and felt her pain because we too were wondering the same thing.


The question we should be asking ourselves is, “What do I want?”


So many times we have an image in our minds of what the perfect man should look like, what he should do for a living, or even how much he makes, but do we know what really makes us tick?


Too many times we are so focused on the superficial that we forget what it really is that we are looking for, or rather how we want to feel about the relationship we’re searching for.


Think of your ideal relationship from a different perspective. Think of what you are doing with your love, how you are feeling when you are with your soulmate, and what the future looks like for you together. Visualize what an absolutely fabulous day in the life of you in love looks like and tap into how you would feel if that were happening right now.


Many times what we are attracting is a direct correlation to our beliefs. If you don’t think the right person will ever come, he won’t. If you don’t think relationships ever last, they don’t. If you don’t think it’s possible to find the love of your life, then you won’t.


The first things to look at are your own personal beliefs and begin to shift your mindset. Change your thoughts from “all the good men are taken” to “I know the right man for me is out there.” Change your dialogue from “where is he?!” to “he is on his way and I can’t wait to meet him.”


Take time to really notice what you are saying and what you are doing to attract the right person. Changing your mindset and looking at your beliefs around relationships is just one step, and this one significant step can take some time and some getting used to.


Next you have to take action and go after what you want. Be intentional. He will show up, but he will most likely show up if you first know what you want and if you are being the person you want to attract. When you are being the person you want to be in the relationship you want to have, somehow someway he suddenly shows up. You attract him by simply being you.


Go do the things you are passionate about and be authentic. Meet new people. Cross things off your bucket list. Say yes to dates you might normally say no to because every date will get you closer to knowing more about what you want, and it will get you closer to finding him.


You have to believe he is out there.  Who cares where he is, just know in your heart of hearts that he is on his way.

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