Is what your mom told you wrong?
Are you scratching your head wondering if this is it? You grew up believing you can do and achieve everything and out you went to conquer the business world. Perhaps your mom engrained in your brain how important it was to be successful and independent. She might have even told you, “you don’t need a man in your life” and “make sure you can take care of yourself.”
So here you are now: single, successful, and you can take of yourself. You have a nice home, great friends and an active social life. Maybe you are at a point of thinking what’s next or even what’s missing? For some reason, the song stuck in your head is from 2008 and you keep hearing Beyonce say, “All the single ladies, if you like it, you shoulda put a ring on it.” Listening to that song has you scratching your head, wondering how it is possible that you are still single when you have so much to offer.
So what’s a single girl to do? Start by deciding what relationships you want in your life. Think about both personal and professional relationships. Once you know what you want and can visualize your relationships coming to fruition, write down what you want to experience.
Writing down what you want is an important step. This will be your guide to fulfilling your expectations. If you keep your thoughts in your head, you are missing out on getting clarity. Schedule time in your planner to write down exactly what you want. Too many times we have an intention to get this done but we procrastinate and procrastinate and never take the time to do something this simple. Write down what you want in detail!
If you want to be in a loving, committed relationship then you also need to take a look at your habits, beliefs and mindset and form a recipe of success so you can have it all. In order to start your journey, you must first have the mindset that you will never give up. It doesn’t matter where you are or where you have been as long as you continue to strive for what you want. If you want a relationship, you can have one. You must continue on your journey. If you stop and give up, all your hopes and dreams stop too.
Your road might be bumpy, but it will be worth it. You might date guys that drive you crazy, it might take you longer than you want, but you can achieve the “happily ever after” you want.
If you have a bad date or day, focus on not letting that one date affect your overall mindset. Many times we are quick to revert to negative self talk and say things like “I will never find anyone” or “all the good men are taken.” When you start to feel these negative emotions coming through, take control of them and use them to fuel your desire for success. Immediately say the exact opposite. Try, “my ideal mate is right around the corner” or “Mr. Right is waiting for me.”
Work on having a mindset that sees and believes you will be in the relationship of your dreams, no matter what. Changing the way you think and having a positive and determined mindset for your journey is the key to your success and happiness.
At the same time, embrace you successes. Enjoy the fact that you can take care of yourself and be okay with the thought that now your vision has changed and includes having a successful relationship. Believe it is possible to have it all and that you deserve it.
It sounds easy enough, but chances are you are going to have to develop some new habits, especially since psychologists claim that 90% of behavior is habitual. This means if you want some different results, you might need to give up some habits.
You can start by thinking of your daily routine. Do you have time to find Mr. Right in your schedule? Are you making time to do things you love or are you filling your calendar with work? Really take stock of what might be limiting you and make room to find Mr. Right. This means look at any of your negative habits and replace them with productive habits that are consistent with what you want. Develop a system that will support you with finding the man of your dreams.
For example, if you always work late because you are not a morning person, try going into work early and leaving on time a couple of days a week. Schedule something right at the close of your workday that you have to go to. Think about a class, going to the gym, meeting a friend. If you haven’t met him at work yet, chances are you need to get out of the office. This one habit could make a huge difference.
Your mom is right about one thing. You can have everything you want. Now you just have to decide what that is.
This article originally appeared in the February 2016 issue of Kalon Women Magazine. Click Here to learn more about Kalon Women Magazine.